Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the experience of joy. As if within any given moment, she will be ripped away, leaving a gaping hole where my heart used to beat. The paradox of joy is that, while she brings an undeniable overwhelm, she also carries a faint whisper of fear, of trepidation. The resistance of her full expression, of emoting happiness, is really a futile attempt to curb insatiable appetites. For if I hunger for more, if I pray for a feast, I may never feel that first hit again.
Perhaps this resistance to fully embrace and express joy stems from the innate human tendency to brace ourselves for disappointment. We’ve been conditioned to believe that good things don’t last, that happiness is fragile, ready to crumble at the slightest touch, to turn to ash again before the phoenix can rise. It’s almost as if we fear that by fully experiencing joy, we’re inviting her swift departure, like thanking a guest for coming over and bidding adieu before the host can crack open a bottle of champagne.
Resistance to joy is counterproductive, but you don’t need me to tell you that. I realize that happiness is not a state of being to be earned or preserved with cautious restraint. It is meant to be savored like a ripe, juicy nectarine, celebrated, and shared with others.
I strive to fully embrace joy when she visits me, like star-crossed lovers reuniting lifetime after lifetime. I allow myself to bask in her gentle glow, to revel in the simple pleasures of life, and to let her permeate every artery, let her flow through every vein in my body. For in those precious moments of elation, I am reminded of the inherent beauty and resilience of the human spirit. Suffering is inevitable, but why should we preemptively close the door in her face? Grab a flute; let’s toast to the totality of our existence and roister in the full spectrum of what it means to be a soul in this body on this spinning rock we call home.
Today, I RSVP yes to joy’s invitation. Here are 30 pieces of happy I’m grateful for:
- Making lists
- Warmth of a still summer’s day
- Cinnamon rolls
- Noticing someone start using vocab words that you taught often
- Getting money back from class action lawsuits
- Watching someone’s goofy dance moves
- Writing letters to friends accompanied with trinkets
- Soft hair after a good wash
- A new leaf unfurling from my house plant
- Obsessing over a new song on repeat
- Random urges to create: poetry, art, media, etc.
- Incremental gains on fitness goals (hello 4-second handstand!)
- Slight chuckle of a bystander at the telling of a bad (subjective) pun
- Exploring creatures of a forest’s understory
- That first panoramic view at a mountain’s summit
- Embracing old friends in new cities
- Spooky season
- Belly up, soft cuddles from a sweet kitty
- Receiving a text from someone that says “I miss you”
- Guttural belly laughs
- Forehead kisses
- Never running out of toilet paper
- Finding cool rocks
- Identifying edible plants in the wild
- Discovering a book you’ve been meaning to read in a used bookstore
- Finding the perfect trees to set up a hammock
- Bare feet on wet grass
- Travel credit card reward points
- Vulnerable conversations in safe spaces
- Moving my body – what a gift to have access to mobility
Mind The Mess On Mondays 